March 10th is a big day for me. A new New Year, of sorts.
People often use book idioms to represent a major change in life. As books and idioms are both securely within my repertoire, I shall continue this tradition.
On March 10th, I didn't just turn a page. I didn't close a chapter. The whole freakin' book came to a fierce and crushing conclusion in the world's most stressful cliffhanger.
You see, my whole adult life as I knew it had come to a screeching halt. I had this grand idea of love and loyalty and happily ever after - and in the blink of an eye it was gone. The person I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with cheated on me, begged my forgiveness, and then told me to leave. Part of me knew before I knew. Something changed and I descended into a vicious cycle of crippling insecurity and mental self-destruction. For four months I was manipulated into shame and guilt for having emotions and I was left completely in the dark by the one I loved. I was terrified that he was going to cheat on me, not knowing that he already had. And after all was said and done, I had to remain in the house we shared for three months as I found a new home for myself and the kiddos (read: cats). Imagine a break-up that lasts seven months.
March 10th was the day I moved out of that house. Since that day, I haven't shed a single tear for my old life or the toxic people I left behind. I let go of the friendships I lost to the break-up. I found a way to rid myself of the negativity I had been carrying inside for so long. Everything that held me back for three years ceased to exist.
I will no longer let someone else's wants come before my dreams.
I will no longer let someone else's opinions come before my feelings.
I will no longer let someone else's idea of who I should be come before who I am.
I was so scared of having to stand on my own two feet. I had no idea how to survive the adult world without someone to help support me. I lost count of the sheer number of times that I fell flat on my ass ages ago. I'm not perfect. I've got a long way to go. But I finally love who I am and I'm proud of how far I've come.
From now on, I am un-apologetically me.