It may only be February, but in the latest episode of "The Ron Burgundy Podcast," Ron Burgundy talks all things Christmas, especially all of his favorite memories and aspects of the most wonderful time of the year.
If you're wondering what a Christmas in the Burgundy household looks like, look no further. Ron breaks down all of his holiday favorites including movies, memories, gifts and so much more. And later on in the episode, special guest and "Christmas expert," Andrew (who frequents a nearby Starbucks and found by co-host Carolina for $75) joins in on the holiday discussion to talk Christmas traditions.
First, Ron expresses his belief that holiday shopping, although it already starts early, should begin right after the Fourth of July. "Watch some fireworks, eat some corn on the cob, and then hit Kay Jewelers. Done," he explains. Then, he talks about once seeing singer/songwriter Jewel at a Kay Jewelers. Burgundy recalls, "When I saw Jewel, I was like, 'That's Jewel. I can't believe it's Jewel.' I pulled people aside and I'm like, 'Do you know who that is?' And they were like, 'Yeah, it's Jewel.'"
The news anchor added, "I must have gotten 50 pictures, just clicking away ... and video. But then I was still too shy to say hello. She bought a bracelet; a charmed bracelet. There were little dogs and stars."
Eventually, all of Burgundy's Christmas favorites and Christmas memories came to light as he discussed them with Carolina. Take a look below to learn what Christmas is really like for Ron Burgundy:
Ron's Favorite Christmas Commercial: The Budweiser Clydesdale Horses
"Every time I see that commercial, I know it's the holidays. Here they come, down a snowy lane with bells around their necks just doing their thing that they love to do, and that's pull a sleigh full of beer. They don't even know that they're in a commercial and yet they are giving cheer to a world desperate for peace and hope. And I swear to you, and I'm not being facetious here, if we could get every world leader in a room to sit side by side, lock arms and watch the Budweiser Clydesdale holiday commercial, game over. World peace - 1, war, strife, poverty, conflict - 0. It's so artfully, tastefully done, and it just, it makes you feel warm inside. And yet, it does not make me want to buy Budweiser."
Ron's Favorite Christmas Story: The Time He Got 58 Stitches from Running Into a Sliding Glass Door After "Seeing Santa"
"One of my favorite Christmas's was when I was, I must've been seven years old. It was Christmas Eve, and my mother and I were putting some last second decorations on the tree, and we had this beautiful fake Christmas tree that we would assemble every season. It looked like a fresh Douglas Fir from about 20 feet away, but up close you could tell it was a metal tree. In fact you had to put on oven mitts to decorate it or the tree would cut you to shreds. We really had to earn it every Christmas in the Burgundy household, but it was worth it. It was worth it to decorate that beautiful thing. When we plugged in the last string of lights and mom turned on the switch, it would take your breath away. And I'm not just saying that, it would just light up. Once again though, another reason for the oven mitts, you couldn't hold on to the tree and plug the lights in at the same time, or you would get electrocuted. And I don't mean a light shock, electrocuted. I mean, raccoon crawled into the transformer box to keep warm electrocuted. That kind of electrocuted. Char marks electrocuted. Turn your hair white electrocuted. I'm talking electrocuted. Zapped. So, as I was saying, we were done decorating the tree when I heard a commotion in the back patio. And I looked up to see Santa himself with a bag full of goodies. It turns out it was our neighbor Dr. James Tarncross, a dermatologist who dressed up every year to deliver a fruitcake. Long story short, he was neither a doctor, nor a dermatologist, or a neighbor, but that's for another show. Anyway, I screamed, 'Santa is early!' And I sprinted to give him a hug, and I got a full head of steam running as fast as my little legs could take me. Santa was here at my house. I just couldn't believe it. So, I'm in a full sprint, right? There was only one problem, we had forgotten to put our holiday safety stickers on the sliding glass patio door, and I went flying into that door. Bam. Wham. At break neck speed. Have you ever done that? Have you ever run into the patio door like that? I smacked into that patio door and I opened up a five inch cut on my forehead. And so, there I was on Christmas Eve, sitting in my blood caked footie pajamas, received 58 stitches from dermatologist and neighbor Dr. James Tarncross. Once again, not a doctor, or a dermatologist, or a neighbor. Just a creep with a lot of cologne trying to get into my mom's pants through her kid, by dressing as Santa. The end."
Ron's Favorite Christmas Movie: "Diehard"
"It takes place on Christmas. That's why on Christmas day, whenever I open a present that I really like, I just yell 'Yippee ki-yay mother f*****.' Each present ... well, if it's a present I really like. Like, oh, thank you socks. Hm. Oh, a tie. Oh my goodness, a Rolex watch. Yippee ki-yay mother f*****.' Even when I walk through a busy mall or a shopping area at Christmas, I just scream, 'yippee ki-yay mother f*****.' Merry Christmas. I think it gets people in the Christmas mood. I walked into a J. Crew and just yelled, 'Yippee ki-yay mother f*****. 40% off. I'm telling you, it reminds people, people go, you know, kind of your similar response. Like, 'oh that's from Diehard.' I go, 'Yeah, Christmas movie.' No, not really. And I go, 'But it took place on Christmas.' They usually give it to me 'cause of who I am."
Ron's Favorite Christmas Gift: A Metal Detector
"One of my favorite gifts was a metal detector. Oftentimes, you'll see people on the beach with the metal detectors looking for trinkets and stuff like that. Well, when I was a kid, I received a metal detector, and I absolutely loved it. I would get home from school and I'd rush to the beach down in San Diego, and hunt for buried treasure. I never worked a summer job 'cause I would collect anywhere from 9 to 12,000 dollars in change. That's a lot of change. And they hated me at the bank because I refused to roll the change. And I'd just bring it in big, big grocery bags, doubled. I'd have to double up the grocery bags 'cause they're so heavy and I would make the teller count it out in front of me. And I had already pre-counted it so I knew exactly how much there was. I know you would think that I would do that, but I just didn't want the bank teller to get off easy for some reason. I can't explain it. I just, I really wanted her to do her job. Well, anyway one day I'm scouring the beach and my metal detector is going berserk. It just won't stop beeping, right? So I'm wondering, what is going on here? And I walk the length, I would say it's 300 feet, the whole time the beeping just keeps going, and going, and going, and going, and going. But it's consistent as if it's one chunk of metal. Well, I start to dig, and I dig, and I dig, and I dig. Next thing I know I look up, and there are 50 beach goers helping me dig. We dig well into the night, and finally at 7:00 AM the following morning we reach pay dirt. Teenage Ron Burgundy and his prize metal detector had discovered a World War II Japanese submarine missing in action for over 70 years. [It] was truly incredible and people just erupted in cheers. A Japanese sub. It had been missing for over 70 years in action. And all the sudden we start hearing this, ping, ping, ping. Ping, ping, ping, ping, tap, tap, tap, tap. And we opened up the hatch, and everyone was still alive ... No, no, they were just skeletons in there. But it was very incredible, the Japanese government, at that time, invited me to the Tokyo Cherry Blossom Festival for honoring their war dead. Very moving. So, I got to go to Tokyo, at least, I think I was in Tokyo. I hope that was Tokyo. But regardless, it was a very moving and a wonderful Christmas. Missing for over 70 years, and it was under their feet the whole time, under the sand. So, I guess the moral to that story is get yourself a metal detector and it could be your key to adventure."
Elsewhere in the episode, Ron and Carolina welcome Andrew, not a "Christmas expert" but someone who celebrates Christmas. Amongst talking about several traditions, Andrew first helped broach the "controversial" topic of gift-opening and whether or not to do it on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day. While Andrew is a Christmas Day only present-opener, Burgundy explained he would beg his parents to open at least one gift on Christmas Eve. "I know I would beg my parents. I'd be like, please can we open one present on Christmas Eve? And they'd be like, 'What about your stocking? Maybe go check your stocking.' And sure enough, I'd check my stocking, guess what was in there? An orange and some playing cards, give me a break," Ron recalled.
And while Andrew explained how he would leave milk and cookies out for Santa, apparently in the Burgundy house, it was chuck roast for jolly ol' Saint Nick. He said, "We would leave Santa a chuck roast with potatoes and all the trimmings. He's got so much ground he's gotta cover, he doesn't want to get weighed down. So he would just take a delicate little bite. And so we'd eat the rest of that chuck roast for that week and we'd make it last until All Queens Day, which I believe is January 26th."
Listen to more of Ron Burgundy's Christmas stories by checking out Episode 3 of "The Ron Burgundy Podcast" on iHeartRadio.